TRAILER REVIEW: 'The Cake Eaters' or Watts made a frickin' movie

Eric Stoltz and Mary Stuart Masterson as Watts in "Some Kind of Wonderful"

Dude, Watts made an honest-to-God movie with Kristen Stewart, who talks like some sort of mentally disabled person in the movie, which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense in the trailer.

Watts is easily Mary Stuart Masterson’s best character, which was in “Some Kind of Wonderful,” John Hughes best movie (tied with “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”) even though Hughes only wrote the thing and Howard Deutsch directed it but whatever. “Some Kind of Wonderful” is fantastic. Eric Stoltz plays this high school kid, a painter and a bit of a loser, who falls in love with Amanda Jones played by Lea Thompson. Hughes, the screenwriter, makes her gorgeous but unlike other teen romances, he doesn’t make her nice or all that misunderstood (though she is). In fact, she’s kind of a bitch. She’s a jerk to Stoltz, and she takes advantage of her teachers and her friends throughout the movie. In the end, Stoltz pretty much remains the same — though he realizes he’s in love with Watts, his tomboy buddy drummer (note the drumstick in her left hand) — and Jones realizes she kind of blows.

Plus, it’s got Elias Koteas playing a leather-jacket-wearing bully named Duncan, who decides he and his band of skinhead punks are going to help Stoltz nab Amanda Jones. Meanwhile, Jones’ boyfriend, Hardy Jenns, a rich kid who drives a convertible, schemes to destroy Stoltz and reclaim Amanda (which is kind of standard as these things go). So Hardy decides to have a party at the end of the movie where he plans to jump Stoltz and beat the shit out of him. But Stoltz brings Duncan and his friends along.

Now, in a normal teen movie, there would be a huge brawl, and Hardy and all his friends would get their asses kicked to high heaven, and it would be pretty satisfying. But Hughes just has Duncan walk up to Hardy and say, “I’m here to kick your ass, and you know it, and everybody here knows it, and above all, you deserve it. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that this party is about to become a historical fact.”

And, instead of beating his ass, the skinhead punks just decide to intimidate Hardy and his boys at their huge-ass house and party for the heck of it while Stoltz leaves with Amanda Jones, who nicely dumps him because she knows he’s in love with Watts. And that ending is twice as satisfying because Koteas delivers his lines perfectly, and you’re simply left to wonder what he was going to do to Hardy (even though he whispers to Stoltz he’s not really going to do anything).

Here’s the scene:

But getting to the point, Masterson/Watts made this movie, “The Cake Eaters,” and the trailer leaked today. Here it is on YouTube:

If the studio snatches that or you prefer one of higher quality, there’s one here on Apple Trailers. It’s interesting. Stewart plays a girl with some sort of degenerative disease, and she falls in love with some guy who serves lunch in her high school. Kind of strange. Looks like it could be decent maybe.