LITTLE-KNOWN FACT THAT SHOULD NOT BE LITTLE-KNOWN
Shia LaBeouf pooped himself until he was 12 years old.
No, seriously. Fecal incontinence. It was a problem for the guy. I’m not one for nasty tabloid journalism, but I was trying to see if it was possible to buy DVDs for the “Even Stevens” Disney Channel show, which lead me to his Wikipedia page. Which lead me to a detail about his dad summering in a teepee in Montana. Which lead me to click on the source link. Which lead me to this 2008 GQ magazine cover story. Which lead me to this anecdote:
Somewhere between the first and the second shooting stations, LaBeouf interrupts himself to mention, wistfully, how many of his favorite actors maintain an air of mystery.
“So what parts of your life are you keeping to yourself?” I ask, playing along. “Usually you seem so, you know, uncensored.”
He thinks for a minute and then looks up with a eureka! grin. “I used to shit on myself until I was 12 years old. I didn’t stop until I got a job.”
“Are you serious?”
“I promise you. We could call my mother right now. You got your cell phone?”
LaBeouf puts her on speaker:
“Hello, Ma?
“Yes, honey?”
“Hey, Ma, you’ll never believe what I’m talking about right now.”
“Where are you at?”
“Well, I’m at the range, but I’m talking to Kevin, and we were deciding how to be the most uncensored. Like, what’s the one thing I never told nobody? And I was telling him how I used to shit on myself. You remember that, Ma?”
“You shared that secret, huh?”
“Tell him what I did with the boxers, Ma.”
“Well, I don’t know. The times you did it, Shia, you thought you were going to get away with it. But you’d always get busted. The boxers would fall down on my head from the towel rack, or I’d find them under the bed.”
“Ma, Ma, tell him about the karate class at the YMCA.”
“Oh yeah. Karate class was very sweet, because you were all strong in your karate suit, and then all of a sudden a little brown ball would fall out of your clothes on the floor.”
“Ma, Ma, you remember when I was doing those kicking exercises in the gi [karate uniform]? You remember what happened with the kick that I did? My last kick in karate class?”
“What? The piece that flew?”
“Yeah, the piece that flew and hit the wall. Remember that piece?”
“You guys have a good day.”
“I love you. Bye, Ma.”
Wow,
I don’t think I’ll ever look at him quite the same again. You would think that it was a diarrhea issue, and that something solid wouldn’t be able to just fall out like that…
Yet here we find ourselves, staring at the cold hard fact that apparently not everyone exercises the same amount of control that we all should possess…
he LOOKS like the stinky kid in class.